Monday, May 7, 2012

Eating Crow

Today I finished an article I've been mulling over in my head for the last few weeks.  I do my best pre-writing during mid-night insomnia sessions.  At least that's what I tell myself so I don't cry too much over lost sleep.  This article is probably the most pointed and "taking a definite position" article I've ever written and it scares me to bits.  I am probably going to submit it soon, but first I felt the need to be forthright.

And I know admitting I screw up is kind of like admitting I'm not a Unicorn, but still it's worth saying. Sometimes I get tired of hopping around on one foot because the other one seems so firmly planted in my mouth.  So in case you ever wondered, I screw up - a lot. Sometimes I write about the way things should be, or the way they often are - but I get it wrong - a lot.  Have I said that yet?

I have a weird relationship with writing.  When I write something that I think matters, (whether it's for me or Family Matters - the other place I occasionally write for)  it's just about a guarantee that I will really struggle with whatever it is I claim needs conquering in the days that follow.

After writing Set Free - I felt caged

After Being Enough - I wasn't enough

After Lego and the Bible - I struggled with our decision to homeschool

After Everlasting Arms -I doubted God's presence.

So today, the article I finally pounded out was about not being self-righteous and boy did I knock screwing that one up out of the park.  It doesn't matter that I was tired, and was originally trying to be funny.  I ended up being an arrogant jerk to a dear friend, and 12 seconds after I hit send, the un-funnyness and pig-headedness of what I said  hit me - but as you know, apparently better than me, there is no "un-send" button.

So I had to apologize, and I'm quite sure I am forgiven, but still, I can't quite believe how closely what I conquer in my head or on paper turns into something I struggle with in my life.

So remember, when I am writing - it's not coming from a place of I've got this all figured out, it's more like here's the good I know I should be doing, and yet I still don't always do it.

Thank God for his grace and for forgiving friends.

3 comments:

  1. the devil is a sly one...just when you think you've got some ground in a certain area, he targets it/you and does his best to tell you you're failing.
    Thankfully, God's grace is much greater :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh, you're soooo Canadian! Us Americans, we act pigheaded and arrogant and never skip a beat! Love you friend. God's grace is sufficient for all of us, and His power is perfected in our many weaknesses.

    ReplyDelete
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