Monday, May 28, 2012

When God Says Yes

This is the third night in a row that I am so amped up about all the amazing things going on in my life that I can't sleep.

It's the down side of being an excitable extrovert.

Here's the cause of all my insomnia:

God gave me an amazing gift this weekend. He answered a question I asked Him 20 years ago about myself and the talents and passions He gave me with a resounding "Yes".

Twenty years is a long time to have a dream without an answer. But perhaps slower is better.

I can't believe I just typed that sentence. It must be insomnia induced. I don't think I have ever believed that slower is better about anything in my life. Except for this.

Sometimes it isn't until your question gets answered and your dream is fulfilled that you can fully understand why it has taken so long for you when so many others seemed to get their questions answered sooner.

I think in many ways, I am a slow learner. At least when it comes to learning how to do something. I often know what needs doing. It's a perk of being of that personality type that believes they are always right. However, I sometimes mess up the how by bulldozing my way through to the final destination.

When I was 15 (or so) I started singing on worship teams at church and school. Soon after that a question began to burn in my heart. Was I capable of leading worship? It's not a complicated or difficult question,but it wasn't one that could be answered unless I actually led a worship set. And for whatever reason, that chance just never came up. I had lots of time in a supporting role, but never a leading role.


So when I say I led worship this weekend for the first time, and it was amazing, I don't mean it in the - it was perfect and without blemish, kind of really amazing. It wasn't for a large crowd, no-one offered me a recording contract, and Darlene Zschech didn't hear about it and ask me to fill in for her next Sunday.

I mean to say that it was amazing because of all that I have learned in that time of not having my question answered for the past 20 years. In that time I have stood on the shoulders of giants, and learned so much about leading by being a supporting vocalists for a lot of other great worship leaders.

Had I been given the opportunity to lead 15 or 20 years earlier, it would have been, I'm quite sure, a long -term nightmare.

It might have sounded good, but the heart of worship would have been lacking. I couldn't have comprehended that having a good singing voice and liking to be in charge isn't enough to lead people to worship God.

I would have confused a perfect performance with a whole-hearted offering of excellence.

I wouldn't have fully understood the importance of a team. No one who does anything well, does it alone, especially when it comes to leading a group of people in worship. I had an exceptional team playing and singing with me on Saturday night. But what excited me most about playing with them wasn't their talent, it was their hearts. We were all so excited to be worshippers together, it blessed me so much to be able to lead with them.

If I had led a team earlier, it would have been me being glorified for a gift of music and not God being glorified for being the giver of all good gifts.

And I wouldn't have been satisfied to not know what was going to happen next. I am still going to be a supporting vocalist on a regular basis at church, and this is a really good thing. I love our church and want to see God's name made great through our worship services. It really doesn't matter who is leading, and I really don't know if I'll ever lead again. My heart is at rest with that thought. I didn't come to peace with that until the night before I led though (told you I was a slow learner).

I was fretting about wanting to know more details, "I want God to tell me what is going to happen next" I confessed to my friend. And without hesitation she said "Don't worry about what's next, that's not your job. You just take what God's given you in your hand right now and do your best with it. You don't need to know the ending."

Thank God for friends who will speak the truth into our fears. Keep those friends close and take good care of them, they are like precious diamonds!

The timing for this was so right. That fact didn't stop me from being afraid of screwing up, or question whether or not my question was just stupid and vain to begin with. Nor did it mean that I didn't have to do a whole lot of preparation, practice and asking of advice from a few of those "giants" I have worked with before. But because I was ready, I was able to let go and give God that night of worship from the deepest place in my heart.

And when it was all over, my heart heard the King of Glory say well done.


Those are life changing words to have the Creator of the Universe speak to your heart.

It's no wonder I can't sleep.

7 comments:

  1. That's awesome, Karina... thanks for sharing. Hope you get to keep leading.

    ~Corinna

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  2. Hey Karina! I just popped over from Better Writer for a visit! Wow...what a wonderful post here...I love, love, love hearing what He's doing in one another's life! Your moment came (in His timing) and the anointing was there and you went for it!!! Yay God! Hallelujah!....Well done! To God be all the Glory!

    Enjoyed looking around here and I'm your newest follower/friend!

    HE IS FAITHFUL!

    Blessings!
    Jackie

    freshoiltoday.com

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  3. What a beautiful story of grace. God is so, so good! May the next twenty years be filled with His praises!

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  4. Welcome to the blog, ladies! Your encouragement and kindness is so appreciated. It's been a humbling experience to realize (once again!) that God's timing is so much better than mine!

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  5. saw you on Better Writer and came for a visit. God spoke! I am in a holding pattern and want the ending, it is freezing me up, and I heard! Do what God has given me to do with what I have now with all of my heart for His glory and let Him worry about the ending! bless you sister! Www.thedailyspiritualretreat.blogspot.com

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  6. Kathryn, how awesome that God spoke to you! Thank you for your kind words. I pray God releases an extra blessing of patience and good humour to you - it really helps keep the crazies away if you can laugh :)

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